Sunday, August 30, 2009

AW Journal August 29th

This is my first entry since my last entry. Been scanning the news for days. No mention of anything that I've previously accomplished. They must have buried it for their own safety. Me and Gonzo just ate breakfast. Baked clams, broccoli, eggs, & beans. This is the first time Gonzo's gotten near me since the whole cleats ordeal. I'm glad he's forgiven me, & I've realized that it was my fault since I'm the one who didn't let him get to his cat box when I closed the bathroom door. Now that I think of it, maybe it wasn't me... I'll have to go search the house.

Norman just called. He didn't hear the message that I left for him, warning him to stay away from the mall. He told me his story... Tried to pick up that quarter for over 3 hours till mall security asked him to leave or shop, & also informed him that he was scaring patrons with his ski mask. He was arrested for knocking down one of the guards while trying to pull the shiny badge off of his shirt.  One of the many weapons they use against those of my order. They polish those badges to a shine that can't be ignored. Tricky devils.

Just finished watching Gloria Childs reruns. She kills me. Unfortunatley, I can't wait around to see what's on next. I've volenteered to help out in the recruiting dept. this evening. Assweeds nationwide go to every colledge campus & park bench, to find new blood to keep the order rolling. So our true identities are't known, we do this in full garb. Ski mask, depends & a cape. No more, no less. There have been a few complaints from our northers divisions, particularly around winter time, but in the end, they know they don't suffer like those in the southern states. Sweaty faces, bugs & all. Norman needs a new skimask, since they threw it out on him at the police station. He asked me earlier to pick him up a new one, but a different color so he is not recognized, now that the police knows his mask was brown & pink. That Norm, always thinking ahead.

I'm off to my recruiting post. After my last entry, I thought about it & called Norm back. Told him that I'll get him a new mask when it's safe to go back to the mall. I don't want to get in the same mess that he did. Plus it's too hot for me there right now, since they might have caught me on canera placing down the quarter. Why do they have to be on those light posts? Phil just started to walk again after he tried to glue pictures of an empty parkinglot to the lenses. He fell off the ladder & landed on a row of shopping carts. His plan was sound, but for the part where he would tell me when to take off with the ladder to the next camera... Just another casualty of war.
Anyways, I've got my bouncy balls & my blindfold ready for the new recruits, those who chase the ball, are those who will fall into place in the order of Assweeds. Should be a good night so long as I remember to put my blindfold on before I unleash the ball. Got into a fist fight last time. Don't want that to happen again.

Till the next time!


  1. ass wed united, lol this is getting better all the time, so damn funny.

  2. you know i cant type and too lazy too proof read, so i am constantly typing with errors, i cant imagine an ass weed, wed lmao sorry

  3. thats a riot. Ive always wundered, if I face a mirror to the camera , will the security see themselves?