Saturday, September 12, 2009

September 10th

Just took Gonzo off the ceiling fan. God is that funny... Never get tired of watching that. Just have to say to whoever finds this, you really need to read my most recent entry, besides this one, to have any idea what the hell I'm about to talk about.
Just wanted to make a small note here that I received an update on last nights crew. Nobody seems to be ok. Seems like I'm the only one that made it out unharmed. By far, my most dangerous mission yet.  Harry is in the hospital in an ass cast. I'm not sure how that is going to work for him for the next few weeks. I'll send him some prune juice. He was drinking quite a bit of it last night, so I know he likes it. That'll make him feel better!

Dean was found rambling about his mother, while on foot running down the highway. Nobody ever found out what happened to the Pinto. Bill was taken to the hospital due to a severe asthma attack. Nit wit! He never told us he had asthma! Guess he deserves it. But the one who fared the worst was Chaz, who ran into the woods bouncing off trees & tripping on branches. He wound up over a fence into a yard full of dobies. I think he's going to be in the hospital longer than Harry!
My superiors aren't going to be too happy. But at least it wasn't my idea. But I really thought it sounded good. It's all Harry now. His idea.  Read the previous entry to find out what happened.

AW Journal September 10th

This is my most recent entry since my previous entry. Just got out of bed. Ears are still ringing from last nights catastrophe. I've never seen anything like it. I suppose I'll document last nights events later on after breakfast. I should have my whits about me by then.

Breakfast went without a hitch. Me & Gonzo had peanut butter & bologna English muffins. Ran out of relish, but mustard was a handy substitute. Didn't dare use the toaster for the English muffins since last weeks episode, still missing hair over that one. Best to let sleeping dogs lye.

Last night me, Harry, & 3 new recruits went out to do our nightly terrorist acts to bring down the establishment. We were still jacked up from the rally, probably why we didn't think things through. Harry came up with a great idea that would aid in the whole tear down the establishment till we are the establishment thing. This is the first time I had gone out at night with Harry, I quickly saw the genius in his plan. It went as follows...

We load up with supplies. Cherry bombs, WD-40, a lighter, used cat litter armed with cat tootsie rolls, paper bags, a whistle, & Harry's get away car, a Ford Pinto.

The Idea was to find the most vulnerable house on a side street, one of us, Chaz recruit 1, instead of banging on the door, would carefully place & ignite a cherry bomb on the door step. (We didn't want anyone getting hurt by banging on the door & running away in the dark. There's tons of stuff to trip over... Things of that nature. We felt this is the best substitute to get our victim's attention.)
As soon as the bomb went off, with Chaz now safe & out of the way, Bill recruit 2, would blow the whistle.
I would use my make shift WD-40 & lighter flame thrower to ignite the paper bag now loaded with a lethal combination of cat tootsie rolls & used cat litter.
Harry would throw it into position.
Dean recruit 3, in the drivers seat, waiting for us to jump into the Pinto, & would take us safely away. Just far enough to be able to watch the fruits of our labor blossom into civil mayhem, someone stomping out the fire & making a mess all over their shoe & doorstep! GENIUS!

Everything was going according to plan. Dean parked the car along the curb, parallel to the house we had chosen. The bag had been filled at my house. Gonzo was pissed, but he'll have to take one for the team. Three of us got out of the car in full uniform as usual. Nothing more, nothing less. Chaz made it to the door lit the wick, placed it in front of the door & took some steps to run away, but became entranced by the beauty of the wick's light. I had no idea about this, as I was concentrating on my part of this plan. We had discussed that timing was everything. So I stood at ready with can & lighter in hand, staring at the bag in Harry's hand waiting for the explosion.
The cherry bomb touching off in the middle of the night sent a boom that echoed throughout the neighborhood! It was magnificent! But it scared the crap out of all of us. Chaz screamed & took off into the woods. You could hear him falling over branches & running into trees. I panicked! I ignited the lighter & squeezed the trigger on the can setting the paper bag ablaze, thus taking Harry out of shock from the bang. He hesitated a moment , held the bag back to launch it over the car & toward the door, but the bag, now burning, burst! Flaming embers hit Harry's rear end, lighting his full set of depends, blasting into an inferno! With Harry shouting running around with his ass on fire, Dean panicked & took off with the car, Bill ran around in circles following Harry, blowing the whistle like a complete idiot! I took off into the night, fearing the attention that the light from Harry's issue was creating, & the whistle.
Haven't called anyone yet to see if everyone was ok. Harry must be sore... The shaft of fire that shot from his diaper melted the fibers on my mask. Not a big deal, there's about 12 more in the basement where I keep all of my supplies.
So that's why I'm a bit sluggish today.
Just got off the phone with Harry. Poor bastard! I won't get into details, but he could have figured a better place to hide his cherry bombs! Probably won't see him at any of the rallys for a few weeks.

I'll make a new entry later on. Need to put a new layer of tape over my windows after I watch Oprah. Till next time!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

AW Journal September 1st

Was just woken up from a sound sleep to the sound of banging at my door. Seemed like forever before it stopped. I have a policy, there's nobody worth speaking to before 1:00 in the afternoon. So I'm going back to bed.

Damn door! Some imbecile is banging at my door again! And I was just starting to doze off. Why don't they know that I'm trying to sleep? I know that my loyal activities of my order haven't yet been tracked to me... I never forget to wear my full uniform, mask & all. I will outlast them... I must outlast them. The lesson to never bother me before I'm well rested will never sink in if I give in now!

BASTARDS! They haven't stopped since my last entry! Banging over & over.... Making me nuts! What could they possibly want, that's so important, that I'm not allowed to get the sleep that I need? I'd peek out my window, but can't. This is the first time that I've regretted covering my windows with masking tape.

Got sick of trying to sleep with all that noise. Relocated into into the cellar to deaden the noise. I will not be defeated! Unfortunately, this may be a short lived plan if I can't stomach the stink down here. Been throwing my depends down here for months now. Don't want anybody finding them in the trash. Secrecy is my greatest weapon. Don't want to be sloppy. But can I sleep down here with several months worth of due diligence? I'm going to try it anyway. I don't care what my stomach is trying to tell me.

Just came out of the bathroom. I just lost the entirety of last nights dinner all over the sink, myself, toilet & floor, & simultaneously filled my depends. I'm better now, thought I could take it, guess not. But now I have a new hazing technique to use on the recruits, & the knocking stopped. I guess I should count my blessings, thank God this all happened!

Just checked the door to find out if there was still someone there. There wasn't. All I found was a note from mother. I got half way through it before I started beating my cat. Poor Gonzo, he'll never learn. I'll have to read the rest later after I calm down. Kind of funny though, I'm not sure that I remember the first half. Something about the gravy train over, stop sending recruits for supper, moving very far away, something to that effect. There was a woman walking down the street with her kids while I was outside looking for the source of my grief. She grabbed the children by the shoulders & scurried away while passing my house. Must have been the ski mask, vomit & dirty depends. I'll never be discovered. Not even outside my own house. My cape was in the wash. Good thing too. If I was wearing it she may have recognized me from the other night. She looks like the one who caught me cat tootsie rolling her exhaust pipe up the street from here. It never would have happened that way if I wasn't screaming from the burns from that hot exhaust pipe. She got out of the car & caught me on the spot. Maybe she tracked me here... Maybe I left a trail of tootsie rolls & cat litter as I was flailing my arms around, screaming. I'll be more careful next time.

Just got off the phone with Norman. He's thrilled with the mask that I picked up for him. Loves the flame job. He & I are going out tonight with a couple recruits & 100 bucks worth of pennies. We're going to syncronize our watches, divy up the pennies, & spread out to different stores. At exactly 8:00, we're all going to hit the registers & bring this town down to a crawl!

I'll enter more later. I've got to find Gonzo & see to breakfast.