Sunday, August 30, 2009

AW Journal August 29th

This is my first entry since my last entry. Been scanning the news for days. No mention of anything that I've previously accomplished. They must have buried it for their own safety. Me and Gonzo just ate breakfast. Baked clams, broccoli, eggs, & beans. This is the first time Gonzo's gotten near me since the whole cleats ordeal. I'm glad he's forgiven me, & I've realized that it was my fault since I'm the one who didn't let him get to his cat box when I closed the bathroom door. Now that I think of it, maybe it wasn't me... I'll have to go search the house.

Norman just called. He didn't hear the message that I left for him, warning him to stay away from the mall. He told me his story... Tried to pick up that quarter for over 3 hours till mall security asked him to leave or shop, & also informed him that he was scaring patrons with his ski mask. He was arrested for knocking down one of the guards while trying to pull the shiny badge off of his shirt.  One of the many weapons they use against those of my order. They polish those badges to a shine that can't be ignored. Tricky devils.

Just finished watching Gloria Childs reruns. She kills me. Unfortunatley, I can't wait around to see what's on next. I've volenteered to help out in the recruiting dept. this evening. Assweeds nationwide go to every colledge campus & park bench, to find new blood to keep the order rolling. So our true identities are't known, we do this in full garb. Ski mask, depends & a cape. No more, no less. There have been a few complaints from our northers divisions, particularly around winter time, but in the end, they know they don't suffer like those in the southern states. Sweaty faces, bugs & all. Norman needs a new skimask, since they threw it out on him at the police station. He asked me earlier to pick him up a new one, but a different color so he is not recognized, now that the police knows his mask was brown & pink. That Norm, always thinking ahead.

I'm off to my recruiting post. After my last entry, I thought about it & called Norm back. Told him that I'll get him a new mask when it's safe to go back to the mall. I don't want to get in the same mess that he did. Plus it's too hot for me there right now, since they might have caught me on canera placing down the quarter. Why do they have to be on those light posts? Phil just started to walk again after he tried to glue pictures of an empty parkinglot to the lenses. He fell off the ladder & landed on a row of shopping carts. His plan was sound, but for the part where he would tell me when to take off with the ladder to the next camera... Just another casualty of war.
Anyways, I've got my bouncy balls & my blindfold ready for the new recruits, those who chase the ball, are those who will fall into place in the order of Assweeds. Should be a good night so long as I remember to put my blindfold on before I unleash the ball. Got into a fist fight last time. Don't want that to happen again.

Till the next time!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

AW Journal august 24th

I just woke up. This is my first entry, but may be my last. Went to the rally last night. Left pumped up over the cause. However, progress is moving too slowly for me to handle, so tonight I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Will lay it out later, tellatubbies is on.

Just scared myself half to death. Left the ski mask on after the rally last night,  saw myself in the mirror while going to the bathroom. Thought there was an intruder... Just me. I'm ok, but the mess I made is overwhelming. Will try to get through my Eight is Enough season 3 collection & hope the mess will work itself out on it's own.

Just re-reading my last entry to make sure it really happened that way. It did. All is well.

Thinking about a meal before I take the action that I've bestowed upon myself to further my cause. Don't dare to cook ever since the accident with that damn turkey, so I'm going to order out. I hope that nobody recognizes me over the phone.

Got part way through the menu provided in my phone book & punched my cat. Poor Gonzo. He should know not to bother me when I read.

Just finished my meal. Pizza, wings, salad & beans. It was a great meal! Hope it's not my last. But if it is so be it. I ate the salad to make it an official last meal just in case. I'm ready to leave now, so this may be my last entry again. I've stripped down, got my mask on so I'm incognito, my yellow AW cape to cause fear in the event of trouble, & my depends on just in case. Such are the fatigues of my order. With me I am taking my weapons of choice. An empty white plastic bag, a TV remote, super glue, & a quarter. If I make it through my first act of public mayhem, I will make an entry. If things don't go well... Mother, I'm sorry. You were right about me. You were right.

First mission accomplished! The empty bag has been launched! I saw it floating around the street as I was pulling away. I witnessed distant headlights behind me swerving! Success! On to mission two. This will be my most taxing mission yet. If anything happens to me, please feed my cat. He likes yodels & green beans. Thanks.

I'm alright & will be the envy of my peers! The havoc I've created with my remote is without bounds! People calling their cable company complaining, others blaming ghosts, others beating their remotes... I am a GOD!

The quarter is in stuck place outside the mall's main entrance. Damn cameras! I had to tuck the end of my cape into my depends, in an attempt to keep their attention off of me. Something I'll deal with in the morning. Forgot & tried to pick up the quarter myself after. Damn. Otherwise I'm OK.

Made it home & my cat is pissed. Even though I've filled my depends, I am going to watch the news all night to reap the benefits of my toil. Wait till the guys at the hall hear about this. I'll have to call them all & try to keep them away from the mall. Should have thought of that earlier...Will continue tomorrow.